To Geek Is To Love
Take a moment and think back to middle school or high school. If that hurts too much, take your pick of any John Hughes movie or any iteration of Mean Girls. In any case, try to remember who the popular kids were, and what they were like.
I want to point out something important about “the cool kids”, a tendency they exhibit that doesn’t seem to have changed much over the years. There are many reasons why someone might be seen as popular (sports, money, wardrobe, general bossiness, etc.), but a disturbing trend among both fictional and real “cool kids” is that they don’t seem to like, well, much of anything.
Got a hobby? That’s dumb.
Into the arts? Snore.
A member of a fandom? Oh please.
Actually enjoy school? Get in this locker.
To be cool and popular seems to mean being unmoved by things, detached from them, even irritated by their existence. It’s about holding onto some sort of authority, and it hinges on dismissing whatever or whoever does not please them (and it’s a lot) and shaming anyone who does show a spark of interest. Seeing peers enjoying something or connecting with others over it means little. It might even fan the flames.
To be not cool or popular, and to have interests and like things, is to be at risk of ridicule from the beings who have deemed both you and your interests irrelevant or “cringe”. To be a geek or a nerd is to accept some level of vulnerability, that you will likely be the butt of jokes, or be ignored and excluded entirely.
So why, we might wonder, would anyone ever open themselves up to this sort of harassment, if they didn’t have to? Why be a geek/nerd if you don’t have to be? Can’t an uncool person keep their uncoolness to themselves, at least during regular bullying hours?
Yeah, screw that. The perks of geekdom outweigh the pain, at least in the long run. According to Simon Pegg ,“Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection. It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It’s basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating.”
It really is liberating, enough so that I feel a lot of sadness for the kids, past and present, who sacrifice the opportunity to love things this much because they long to be, well, kind of admired and/or feared. In needing to be perceived as more mature, and in charge, they miss out on some of the best parts of being younger, the parts that let us unabashedly adore things. Yes, I know that underneath their thin skin of smug superiority, there’s usually a wellspring of self-doubt, but that makes it even sadder, doesn’t it?
To be a geek or a nerd is to know how to love something. There are so many things to love as a geek, so many places to throw our curiosity and enthusiasm. Geeky love is vast and inclusive. True, the love of things and ideas is basically unrequited. Star Trek, Shakespeare, comic books, music, DND- these kinds of things themselves don’t love us back. Knitting needles, a LARP costume, or the instrument we play in band are never going to call us up on a Saturday night and ask us out for coffee. However, I think there’s merit in the experience of love itself. As Plato points out (no, I’m not sure Plato would have been classified as a geek), there’s a whole menu of different kinds of love. Geeky love could be ludus, playful, without long-term expectations. Maybe it’s more like philautia, a way to love our geeky selves that helps us become who we are and feel good about it.
I’d also argue that geeky love of things and ideas often leads us to other forms of love, it acts as a magic, sparkly bridge to others who share our passions and interests. There’s a special kind of connection one feels when one gazes across a room to see someone wearing the same gamer t-shirt or pouring through a favourite sci-fi novel. Go to a con sometime and watch people light up as they find others who are lit up by with the same things. I’d wager a nontrivial chunk of the population finds their soulmates through the powerful, cosmic pull of mutual geekiness. If you’re lucky, you might have a geeky little kid or two, and your love of things and ideas could adhere you together as a family. Geek attracts geek, and it’s a beautiful thing.
If you were one of the people who was decidedly, deliberately ungeeky during your adolescent years, who ruled the school and held everyone’s attention, but did not get to admit to, let along pursue a passion, I’m sorry. Something truly beautiful slipped by you. That’s the bad news. The good news is that it’s never too late to experience geeky love. It means peeling off some of the old exterior that kept you from getting picked on, but also held you back from falling for something, from immersing yourself in it and feeling happily overwhelmed in wonder. If you’re at all inclined, even if you’re all grown up and sophisticated, even though it’ll mean looking a little bit silly and feeling a little bit vulnerable, you’ll love it. I promise.