All You Need Is…A Sixth Love Language

As much as I like any system of self-help, I like the system of 5 love languages. It’s interesting, and there’s a sweetness to it. I think it encourages empathy and self-understanding, both of which are useful. There’s some allowance for one’s preferences to change over time, and it seems okay to have more than one language at a time.

But it’s not an exhaustive list, of course. As far as I’m concerned, lists are never exhaustive, you just run out of space to write them, and time to check things off them. I’d like to propose a sixth love language: the genuine, authentic, earnest sharing of big ideas. Abbreviate/brand/catch phrase that as you wish.

I think this kind of love occurs when people tell you:

·      This is what I think about when I’m not trying to be clever or impressive.

·      These are the ideas that keep me up at night (not always in a bad way).

·      This is the quiet part that I’m afraid to say out loud.

·      This is what I think might change the world.

·      This is what scares me a little.

·      This is what I can’t stop from rattling around in my head.

·      This is what I’m curious about.

·      This is what makes me feel like there are possibilities.

·      This is the stuff so big, so compelling, that I scarcely have the words to describe or explain it.  

It’s important to note that sharing ideas is not to be confused with sounding off, telling off, or flipping off. It’s not about skimming the surface, trading niceties, or small talk, though all of these have their uses too. Not surprisingly, it involves a lot of listening, responding tactfully, and asking thoughtful questions.

There’s an implicit trust involved in this, as there probably is with all five love languages. I trust you with my idea. I trust that you won’t turn up your nose at it without giving it due consideration. I hope that you trust me to do the same. I hope that we both put our trust in reason and dialogue, that we give our ideas a place to sit and expand.

There’s a fair bit of vulnerability in this too. You may disagree with my idea, or vice versa. In sharing them, we may have to change the way we think about something, maybe even something important. There’s a high likelihood that one of us will bring things up in a way the other never thought of before. This state of vulnerability is where the actual love exists for me, that someone is willing to accept the possibility that in sharing an idea, something will change, that things will be different after they’ve shared it, for me and for them.

It also bears mentioning that this love language is a hard one. It takes time and effort, and it’s emotionally fraught. It demands patience and commitment, and sometimes the setting aside of ego.

I suppose the sharing of ideas bumps up against the other five love languages. It could be seen as an abstract form of gift-giving, it generally requires time spent together, it necessitates words (some of which might be affirming), and I guess it could be an act of service. Not sure about physical touch. That’s your call. I think it fills in a gap that some of us find ourselves tripping over, scratches an itch that a lot of us have.

It’s something we need to start encouraging between individuals, but also on a larger scale. As the song goes, “What the world needs now, is love (sweet love)”, but we’re also starved for ideas, big ones, as well as a path to partaking of them together in a positive, collaborative, productive way.